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“The Winter Solstice has been recognized since ancient times as the shortest day of the year ( December 25th by the Julian calendar ) . The ancients celebrated this day because they realized that they had “rounded the corner” and, soon, the days would grow longer and longer, and their crops would once again provide sustenance.

During the early days of Christianity, believers tried to persuade the ruling authorities to establish a legal holiday to commemorate Jesus’ birth. But the governing authorities refused. So the Christians decided that “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” and thereafter celebrated Jesus’ birth on an already established holiday: the Winter Solstice ( December 25th ) . Pope Gregory XIII later revised the ancient Julian calendar; and so the calendar we use today - the Gregorian calendar - moves the Winter Solstice back a few days to December 21st ( for astronomical reasons ) , whereas Christmas continues to be celebrated on the 25th.

Every Christmas season, I hear ministers preaching sermons about how we have forgotten the “true” meaning of December 25th. I agree! We have forgotten that December 25th had nothing to do with Jesus’ birth. It was an ancient celebration of the Winter Solstice. Easter is likewise a Christian hijacking of an ancient pagan holiday, the Vernal Equinox ( or Eostre ) , a day when darkness and light are equally divided. Even today the date of Easter is set each year by calculating the first Sunday after the first full moon after March 21st ( the vernal Equinox ) .”

That, and because Santa Clause is the Devil.

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Them: We should have the whole Un-named Corporate Department dress up for Halloween!
k@os: ( sarcastically ) Yeah. Sure. That’s a greeaat idea.
The Rest of Them: Yeah! We should all dress up with the same theme!
k@os: What?
Them: What a great idea! What theme should we pick?
k@os: How about I wear my black trenchcoat and come as one of those Columbine High kids? You guys can be the rest of the students . . .
Them: How about Disney?
The Rest of Them: Yeah! How about Snow White?
k@os: What?
Them: Yeah! Nameless Female Manager can be the Evil Queen, and Nameless Male Supervisor can be Snow White!
k@os: Sure. Let’s think of more ways to emasculate him in the company of his peers . . .
The Rest of Them: And we can be the Seven Dwarfs!
k@os: How about I wear a kilt? I’ll go commando underneath . . .
( random chatter as everyone selects the dwarf they will dress as )
k@os: Well if I HAVE to be a dwarf, I’m gonna be Grumpy.
Nameless Male Employee: I already chose Grumpy.
k@os: Dude, I’ve FORGOTTEN more grumpy than you’ll ever know. Ok fine. I’m the poison apple.

( So k@os shows up to work on Halloween with jeans, biker boots, shades, a do-rag, and a red t-shirt that says “BITE ME” )

Nameless Male Employee that stole Grumpy from k@os: What kind of apple wears a bandana on his head?
k@os: A BAD apple. Bite me.

And my favorite quote-of-the-day?

k@os ( to lone Nameless Female Employee that chose NOT to dress up ) : So why didn’t you dress up? I had to . . .
Lone Nameless Female Employee that chose NOT to dress up: I serve the Lord. We don’t celebrate Halloween. We don’t glorify the devil.

Ok. History lesson. Do you know from whence our devil-glorifying holiday draws its roots?

Put that in your bag of candy.

Happy Halloween gang.

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Made you look.

Suckers.

To punish you for your gullibility, I hereby subject you to Googlisms . . .

k@os is a multi user
k@os is not chaos
k@os is angel of hip hop
k@os is streaming live on the internet
k@os is currently hiring for the following positions
k@os is like that
k@os is a cool way of life
k@os is in need of a loving home
k@os is about injecting a bit of light hearted madness into university life
k@os is not to be confused with kaos
k@os is subject to agreement to the k@os user policy
k@os is very confused
k@os is surrounded by a hazy glow
k@os is a the largest ciminal organization in the galaxy
k@os is that crazy mad scientist who is loved by both children and adults
k@os is forced on the world
k@os is open wednesday
k@os is a registered trademark of club k@os
k@os IS
k@os is a natural choice
k@os is at a crossroads
k@os is on the phone with someone
k@os is up
k@os is divided into two parts
k@os is creative
k@os is a game
k@os is also above the rest
k@os is simple
k@os is very proud of its continued connection with the school and is grateful for its continued support
k@os is told to leave the car
k@os is on his way to becoming a legend
k@os is a dj and producer representing new york and new jersey
k@os is the chosen one; he was born on the sacred day
k@os is working
k@os is solely between you and total k@os
k@os is able to maneuver into a DDT and attempt to score the pin
k@os is good
k@os is about ideas
k@os is shutting down so it won’t be a probelm
k@os is the most appropriately named dog we have
k@os is to losing these features and qualities we so value
k@os is an appropriate name
k@os is ready for more podium time in 2006
k@os is extremely fond of explosions
k@os is vitally important to the future

The preceeding Googlisms have been edited to make them appear nearly as cool as I am.

No, don’t worry. You can thank me later.

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I was not intending to post anything about the aftermath of hurricane Katrina for the same reason I never posted anything about the Asian tsunami. There’s nothing I can write that will not have already been said on a thousand other blogs. But, invariably, something comes along that just pisses me off so much I can’t keep my piehole shut. In this case, it was two things. The first was Celine Dion on Larry King Live. I don’t have the clip so you’ll just have to settle for the link to it above. I do have some transcripts.

“There’s people still there waiting to be rescued. To me that is not acceptable . . . I know they have reasons for it. But I don’t want to hear those reasons . . . How can it be so easy to send planes in another country to kill everybody in a second and destroy lives. We need to serve our country.”

First off, this is not your country you sanctimonious bitch. So you donated a million dollars. Great. Good for you. Give the bitch a gold fucking star. That’s not a license to run your fucking mouth. Go sing your crappy fucking songs at your crappy fucking Vegas show and shut the fuck up.

Guess what Celine. Even your fellow Canadians don’t fucking like you.

I’m sick and fucking tired of hearing newscasters and politicians and celebrities and whoever the fuck they’ll give 15 seconds of airtime to complaining about how long it took the government to respond and send aid. These people have no fucking idea about the logistics involved in sending that much manpower, food, water, and medicine into an area such as those devastated by Katrina. Especially New Orleans. There is no infrastructre left. Roads are underwater, in some places as deep as 20 feet. The M1076 PLS is not exactly an amphibious vehicle. Maybe if those assholes were’nt shooting at police, firemen, and rescue helicopters HELICOPSTERS, they could have gotten more done on the first 3 days.

Stop blaming the war in Iraq for the lack of personnel to help with recovery efforts. There more than enough National Guardsmen and active duty military available across the country. Stop blaming George Dubyah and the federal government. Why aren’t the local officials being held accountable? New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin was quick and profane in his comments on national TV. Well, in my experience, the guilty speak the loudest. Roy Nagin for President my ass. Fuck Roy Nagin.

Here’s what George W. thinks of Roy Nagin running for President

Here’s what the rest of the Universe thinks of Roy Nagin running for President

The Docs over At Sigmund, Carl, and Alfred can explain it much better than I can. Click here, here, and here for their postings on the matter.

The bottom line is that it takes a lot of manpower and, most importantly and tragically, TIME to move that much aid in and that many people out. Get your ass over there Celine and see how hard the local police and fireman have been working to help. Their homes are gone too. They have family missing. Why don’t you go there and personally speak to Lt. Gen. Russel Honore and see and hear the passion and dedication he has before you criticize the U.S. military’s efforts in the region.

And it wasn’t that easy to “send planes in another country to kill everybody in a second and destroy lives” . Logistics bitch. Get your fucking facts straight.

If I turn on CNN and see Bono, Sean Penn, or Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, I’m going to fucking shoot myself.

And don’t even pull the race card.

Which brings me to the second thing to get me so worked up. This article from The Huffington Post. I almost hate to acknowledge this bullshit with a link, but I have so you can read this drivel for yourself. Not a single fucking link to these “reports” of black hurricane victims eating corpses in the article. Randall Robinson you’re a fucking idiot. I’d love to eat HIS liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Of course NOW he has retracted his statement about the cannibalism. AFTER it incensed readers and got bloggers to post links to it so people other than his mother would read his crap.

I think Foamy the Squirrel sums up what many of us are feeling rather eloquently. Click “PLAY” for the video.

Thanks to Occasional Bitch for the heads up on this Flash video from iLL WiLL PreSS.

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But it is a day to be celebrated. To celebrate the birth of this great country. Whatever your opinions toward the government, its policies, and its President, it is because of that declaration that you have have the freedom and right to voice those opinions. It is in defense of those basic principles of freedoms and individual rights that so many of our patriots have died. Patriots who are, as we speak, sacrificing their lives so others not strong enough to fight for themselves can one day hope to have those same freedoms.

“But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.”
The Declaration of Independence

This is why we are fighting in Iraq, whether you believe it is for oil or other political agendas. Beneath it all lies the freedom of self government. Until the Iraqi patriots have the strength to provide for their future security.

So kick you your feet up, have a beer, enjoy the fireworks, and wish our United States a happy 229th birthday. And toast those who give their lives so we can live ours free.

Also on this date in history:

• 1826 Two of America’s founding fathers–Thomas Jefferson and John Adams - die.
• 1861 Union and Confederate forces skirmish at Harpers Ferry.
• 1894 After seizing power, Judge Stanford B. Dole declares Hawaii a republic.
• 1960 The 50-star flag makes its debut in Philadelphia.

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With 516.3 million held in a reserve fund, State Insurance Commissioner J.P. Stemmed began pushing a bill that would reduce the cap on reserves for mutual benefit societies from 50 percent of expenses to 30 percent. Estimates show about $100 could be refunded to each of HMSA’s 688,000 members.

Hawaii’s governer, Republican Linda Lingle, supported this and wanted some of the reserves handed back in the form of rebates, while Democrats, led by Sen. Ron Menor, Consumer Protection Committee chairman, felt HMSA rate increases should be frozen until the reserve was dropped by about $68 million.

Unfortunately, none of that materialized, and HMSA recieved approval from the State Insurance Division for a 4.9% rate hike.

Under the new premiums, single people under the preferred-provider plan will have monthly dues of $327.10, with couples paying $654.20 and families $981.30. Health Plan Hawaii Plus members will pay $297.96 for a single person, $595.92 for two and $893.88 for a family. CompMED members will pay $309.90 as a single, $619.80 for two and $929.70 for a family.

HMSA’s small-employer groups have fewer than 100 employees. Businesses with 100 or more employees renew their insurance at different times of the year and saw their premiums rise an average of 5 percent beginning in January.
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 17 May 2005

On Friday, June 24th, it was announced that HMSA cut its premiums for state and city workers.

State and county governments would save a total of about 17.7 million under this rate decrease. All well and good for government employees, who’s salaries are higher on average than those employed by small businesses. Scratch our back and we’ll scratch yours?

Pardon me while I sneeze. *ah . . . ah . . . AH . . . BULLSHIT!*

We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming.

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I’m talking to you, Barney.

Oh how I loathe you. Words cannot begin to describe. My son adores you, which is why I have come to despise you. Every day I have to listen to your insipid show at least a dozen times. I have fantasies of your death, you know. I dream of driving a pick-axe through your fat purple head. I want to shove a garden hose down your throat and turn it on until your innards burst. I want to lock you up in San Quentin so you can be ass-raped by the inmates on death row, and then stabbed repeatedly with a shiv. I want to push you off the Empire State Building, and watch you both splatter as you land on Paris Hilton while I laugh. I want to fly you to Fallujah wearing an “I love George W. Bush” t-shirt, and watch the video online as you are decapitated. I want to grind you into dino-burgers, cook you over a kiawe wood grill, and feed you to Fred Flintstone.

And that song. That fucking song.

Sing along with me:

I hate you, you hate me
let’s get together and kill Barney
with a knife to the back and a bullet to the head
now that purple thing is dead.

It’s you or me you goddamn purple Freakasaurus Rex.

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BOSTON — On the morning of April 25, Gregory Despres hitchhiked to the Canadian border crossing at Calais, Maine, carrying a homemade sword, a hatchet, a knife, brass knuckles and a chain saw stained by what appeared to be blood.

Customs officials confiscated the cache of weapons and fingerprinted Despres, but allowed him to enter the United States — not knowing the gruesome scene about to unfold in the hitchhiker’s hometown.

The following day, in the village of Minto, New Brunswick, the decapitated body of a well-known country musician named Frederick Fulton was discovered on his kitchen floor. Police found the 74-year-old man’s head in a pillow case under a kitchen table and the body of his common-law wife, Veronica Decarie, stabbed to death in a bedroom.

Portion of article reprinted without permission.

Wow. Nice to know in this post-9/11 day and age, that our borders are well protected.

I’m just too dumbfounded to post a witty or angst-ridden rant about this.

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I saw Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith today.

I was there in 1977 when it all began. I don’t remember much else from that age. I was four, going on five. I barely recall my first day of school. I have fleeting memories of my childhood home.

But I remember Star Wars. I don’t recall if it was the old Palace Theater, or Mamo Theater on the Big Island, but I remember the movie. I remember staring wide eyed at this other universe. A universe filled with strange creatures in dirty cantinas. The universe of a cocky smuggler who would become a hero. The universe of an old knight of a forgotten order who still held to the principles of his past. The universe of a courageous princess fighting a losing rebellion against an oppressive regime. The universe of a dark overlord threatening to extinguish all light in the galaxy. The universe of a naive farm boy who would grow to become a man, and save the galaxy.

I remember wanting to be a part of that universe. I wanted a Wookie as a best friend. I wanted a real lightsaber. I remember dressing up as Darth Vader for halloween and making his breathing noises behind the mask as I asked my neighbors for candy. I remember asking Santa Claus for the Millenium Falcon for Christmas . . . EVERY. . . SINGLE . . .YEAR.

( I never got it, which is entirely responsible for destroying my whole belief in Santa. I’m still very bitter. Over 20 years later, my wife got it for me with a “note” from Santa saying “I’m sorry it took me so long, but I hope you still believe in me.” That’s why I married her. )

So here I am. 28 years later. I stare at the screen on the edge of my seat with that same childlike wonder as when I saw the first Star Wars. I reach over and hold my wifes hand as the theme and opening scroll plays. My daughter, the same age now as I was when first introduced to this universe, sits between us in the theater placing her little hand over ours. I am melancholy as I realize that this is the last time I will sit in a theater watching the words “A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away . . .” light up the screen on a new Star Wars movie. I will spare you all a review of the movie. There are a million of them on other blogs and websites. Suffice it to say I was not disappointed in the least. All the loose ends were tied up neatly.

So here I am. 28 years later. A sense of closure in my life. My training is complete. I am a Jedi.

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This was brought to my attention by the Docs over at Sigmund, Carl, and Alfred.

From July 1998 through the end of 2003, PETA killed over 10,000 dogs, cats, and other “companion animals” at its Norfolk, Virginia headquarters. That’s more than five defenseless animals every day. Not counting the dogs and cats PETA spayed and neutered, the group put to death over 85 percent of the animals it took in during 2003 alone.

I’m speechless. Well, except for my hysterical laughter at the sweet irony of it all.

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