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Providing further proof that having a large brain does not automatically denote intelligence, PETA has launched a campaign against recreational fisherman and the restaurant chain Red Lobster.

“There will not be a safe place to eat lobster,” said one PETA official who has been briefed on the plan. “The sheer size of this has never been seen before, never been contemplated before,” the official said.

The battle plan is based on a concept developed at the National Defense University. It’s called “Shock and Awe” and it focuses on the psychological destruction of the enemy’s will to fight rather than the physical destruction of the restaurant facilities.

“We want them to quit. We want them not to fight,” says the official. “So that lobsters and worms can be free to live their lives doing what lobsters and worms…uh…do”.

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Ontario Education Minister Gerard Kennedy got low marks for spelling and math this week when discussing the possibility of a strike by the Canadian province’s teachers.

Critics were quick to call the gaffe a “Dan Quayle moment,” in reference to the former U.S. vice-president, who famously made a schoolboy add an unnecessary “e” to the end of the boy’s correctly spelled “potato.”

The former vice-president could not be reached for comment however, and it is reported he is refusing to relinquish his “Biggest Dumbass Of All Time” award.

The next time a Canadian official hands you a lapel pin bearing an image of the country’s maple leaf flag, take a closer look. That symbol of patriotism was likely made in China.

Opposition legislator Charlie Angus attacked the Liberal government on Wednesday for ordering millions of “inferior quality” pins from a Chinese supplier.

An unnamed government spokesman replied “Canada has not produced anything of value in the past, why should we start now?”

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